Room 322, Tuesday Afternoon

[not_every_mage]

If Anders was being honest, he'd have to admit that the tall box from Kathy that Ringo had given him some months before had fallen completely out of his mind.

It had started with good intentions: He'd dragged the parcel back to his room and stuck it in the closet so he could save it for his actual birthday and feel like Kathy was there, just for a moment. And then there had been the madness of trying to summon a demon, and the dull terror of the Circle, and by the time he was home again his birthday was some weeks past and the tall package entirely forgotten in a back corner of his closet. The fact thinking about Kathy hurt and he avoided it when he could had only added to his amnesia.

It might have stayed there forever, if Lachlan hadn't managed to hit one of his toy mice deep into the closet. Anders went digging through a mess of discarded paper to find it, and ended up bumping into the box. The tall, slender package wobbled worryingly for a moment before he was able to catch it.

And then there was nothing to do but open it. Lachlan's mouse was forgotten as he pried the paper off and found --

A damned fine staff. The kind he'd never expect to afford on his own. He could feel its power singing to him as he held it in his lap. Some part of him couldn't wait to get to a space where he could test it safely.

The rest of him mainly wanted to cry.

"Dammit, Kathy," he muttered. "Just ... damn it."

[OOC: Cracked door, open post.]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

And later, once an emotionally-exhausted Anders had fallen asleep, the Fade was waiting for him. And someone in the Fade, as well.

"Hi," Kathy said, her uniform still a dazzling white in the muted colors of the Fade. "Been awhile, huh?"

[not_every_mage]

"It has," Anders said, squinting at her. In the confusion of his dream, he remembered that he was mad at her but couldn't think of why. "You're here? I thought I left you in Denerim."

[spin_kick_snap]

"The Fade is everywhere," Kathy reminded, holding out a hand for him. "It took me awhile to find you in it, though. And then awhile more for you to find me. It's complicated and I don't know enough about it to explain better."

[not_every_mage]

"It's everywhere," Anders agreed. "But that doesn't mean everything in it is everywhere."

He took the hand, looking at it curiously. "Is that all you were doing? Looking for me?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"What else do I have to do?" Kathy asked, shrugging, her fingers curling around his. "I wander around, I look for you, sometimes things go fuzzy and I feel like I've lost time...but who can say for real? Or what is real? I can't." Her eyes gleamed in the low light. "Maybe I'm only here when you want me to be."

[not_every_mage]

"No," Anders said immediately. "If that were it, I'd have you here all the time. I'd never wake up."

It hardly mattered, though. She was there with him now.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Come sit," she said, tugging him down next to her as she went to sit on a soft patch of grass that hadn't been there a moment ago. "You're still too far away. We only have so much time and I want to be close to you for all of it. I miss you. Holding you, touching you, talking to you. Everything. I miss it all."

[not_every_mage]

Anders followed her to sit on the grass squinting at the sky above them that shouldn't have been there, either.

"I found your staff," he remembered suddenly. "The birthday present. That one."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy frowned at the first mention of his staff, head tilted in brief confusion that cleared up as he explained. "You did? Did you like it? Have you had a chance to use it yet?"

[not_every_mage]

"Yes, and no," Anders said. "It's gorgeous, but opening it made me miss you even worse than I always do."

He ran a thumb over the back of her hand.

"Only you would buy a birthday present two months early."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I found it and had to get it immediately," Kathy said, letting her hair fall in front of her face as if that could hide her grin. "I'd rather get you a gift two months early than two months late, anyway."

Her grin faltered a bit at that. "I'm glad I did," she said in a hoarse whisper. "I know it hurts for you to look at it right now, but I'm glad you have something."

[not_every_mage]

"Right," Anders said, twisting some grass between his fingers briskly, as if that might help. "I don't suppose dying made you wise enough to know when it'll stop hurting."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I guess it depends on how much you loved me," Kathy said, giving him a sad smile. "And how fast you're trying to forget me. There's probably a formula involved, but I don't know what it is."

[not_every_mage]

"Me either," Anders admitted. "If it helps, I loved you a lot."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I love you, too," Kathy said, deliberately using the present tense. "So much. We had years to it to grow between us. The kind of love that was so intense it hurt a little when I was alive, even. Did you ever feel that? Loving me so much it made your heart feel overfull?"

[not_every_mage]

Anders laughed. "Fishing for a compliment?"

The answer was yes.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy slung her legs over his and cuddled closer. "Not at all," she said airily. "Just making sure we were on the same page."

She rested her head on his chest, content to just listen to his heartbeat for awhile. She had one, here, but it was as fake as the rest of her. His was soothing. "Can I admit something terrible and selfish to you?"

[not_every_mage]

"Anytime," Anders said, after dropping a little kiss on the top of her head. "I like you terrible and selfish. You know that."

[spin_kick_snap]

Well, she had to return the kisses to his neck. That was just what needed to happen. It took precedence even before answering, laying a tiny trail of sucking kisses around his throat.

"I still want you," she murmured. "And I'm not ready to let go yet. Not of you or what we had."

[not_every_mage]

"Easy," Anders said, pulling back a little. "If I sleep with you here, going back into the real world will kill me."

He wasn't completely certain that wasn't literally true.

[spin_kick_snap]

"If you sleep with me here, maybe it won't be so long until you come back," Kathy said. She drew away herself, pulling her legs back to her chest and inching away slightly. Her eyes were sad, though she kept up a smile. "I miss you."

[not_every_mage]

"I miss you too," Anders said, but he was quieter. "I just -- is this helping us? Or is it only making it hurt worse when I wake up and you aren't with me?"

Maybe there was a reason his subconscious had kept him away.

[spin_kick_snap]

"I don't know," Kathy said, arms wrapping around her knees. She looked lost, then, and vulnerable. "I'm just dead, Anders, I wasn't given all the answers. I just know I'm here and the only time I feel, well, much of anything is when you're here, too."

[not_every_mage]

"You died," Anders said, mock-cross. "The least you should have gotten out of it is some eternal wisdom."

He sighed. "Maybe I should try harder not to come. If I'm keeping you here when you're supposed to move on, that's just selfish."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Move onto where?" Kathy asked. "To what? I don't know what's supposed to happen to me. Shouldn't it already have happened?" She shook her head. "I will understand if you don't want to come visit me anymore, but don't pretend that it's somehow for my benefit."